American Idol: Greensboro Auditions

I am taking the Mac route tonight ... Since Fox insists on making me sit through so many auditions, I am just hitting the high notes.

• The show rarely kicks off with someone worthwhile. If you are looking for real "American Idols," you still have time to grab a snack during the first 10 minutes of the show.

• Jerry Springer jokes still work. Unfortunately, potential Jerry panelists do not.

• If you get an extended profile, you are more likely getting a ticket to Hollywood.

• Randy's shirt was a little too pitchy for me.

• There was certainly more than one dummy on tonight's episode -- and I'm not talking about the guy with the puppet.

• Do you think Simon has any respect for Paula as a singer? Either way, I'm sure he wouldn’t be alone.

• Paula is immune to no man -- especially if he can actually sing.

• Is the theme to the TV show "A Different World" an actual song?

• Fellas: Stay off the Whitney. And while you're at it, scratch Mariah, Celine and Cher off your lists too.

• I don't care what anyone says: The 17-year-old with the squeaky speaking voice is the next "American Idol." If not, you can at least expect a record contract. Wow.

• A tube top does not make you a star (not even a porn star), even if it is sparkly. Apparently though, it sometimes makes you a delusional psycho.

On a final note, I understand that it's a ratings juggernaut, but one hour of auditions works well. Two hours tries my patience a bit. -- Rachel Cericola

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Mac's Rambling Thoughts from This Episode

• I begin with the single greatest quote in "American Idol" history: "Paula Abdul ain't got shit on me!" -- Rhonetta Johnson

• Her dad is in prison. Her mom left her when she was two. She's a waitress at one of those roller-skating drive-in places. She's cute as hell and sweeter than a bowl of sugar. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the next American Idol ... Kellie Pickler. "Pick Pickler!"

• But not so fast Pickler fans! Paris Bennett whipped out one of the greatest auditions ever. EVER. I got chills, and I don't chill easily. In fact, I've only experienced three "AI" chills in all the years I've watched this show. Because I know you're all very interested in this kind of thing, my three chill moments are: 1. Kelly Clarkson's rendition of "Natural Woman; 2. Paris Bennett's audition; and 3. The single best "AI" performance ever: Tamyra Gray, "A House is Not a Home."

By the way, Tamyra was robbed.

• I'm 100% sure the Fox lawyers broke into hives when Steven David Jr. serenaded Paula with "Let's Get It On." Have we learned nothing from Corey Clark?

• If your Mom says you sound like "Carrie Underwood crossed with Britney Spears," she's lying. Your Mom just lied to you.

• Lisa Bonet be damned: "A Different World" is an awesome song.

• Just once, I want the "American Idol" producers to do one of those teary-eyed profiles for a contestant who absolutely sucks.

• This year's Scott Savol: Chase Bush. How did that voice come out of that guy?

• Vibrato -- (noun) -- That annoying rapid shaky thing you often hear in crappy singers' voices.


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